The Monday Morning Building Product Advisor
​Issue #100

I’m not exactly sure how long this has been going on, but…

I’m probably just starting to notice this because I’m getting older. And that means more creaks and twinges, which means more doctor visits.

Anyway! My doctor asked me something different last month.

She didn’t ask, “How bad is the pain?” or “On a scale of one to ten…” Instead, she asked me, “How is this affecting your quality of life?”

It caught me off guard.

Suddenly, we weren’t just talking about my symptom. We were talking about whether I was sleeping through the night. Whether I could play with our German Shepherd, Ruger, without wincing. Or our grandson. Was it affecting my business trips? Is the cure worse than the problem?

She was asking me to think about trade-offs.

And, as I was thinking of what to write about today, I realized this could be exactly the conversation we architects need from product reps. And almost never get.

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What changed in medicine

There’s this quiet shift happening in how good doctors approach treatment decisions.

They’re moving away from the old model (patient describes symptom, doctor prescribes solution) toward something more… collaborative. [It’s called patient-centered communication, in case you’re curious.]

The quality-of-life question does something subtle but powerful. It shifts the framework from “what’s clinically optimal” to “what makes sense for how this person actually lives.”

Think about it.

A medication might lower your blood pressure beautifully on paper. But if it makes you dizzy, kills your energy, or costs $400 a month? Those trade-offs matter. They affect whether you’ll actually take it. Whether it improves your life or just checks a clinical box.

The best doctors have figured out that their job isn’t to make the “right” decision for you. It’s to help you make an informed decision with you.

One that accounts for your priorities, your constraints, and how you actually live.

This requires a different kind of expertise.

Not just clinical knowledge, but judgment about context. The ability to explain consequences, not just benefits. Helping someone think clearly, even if it means admitting your solution has downsides.

It’s fundamentally about trust.

The doctor who helps you understand the trade-offs earns influence even when you don’t follow their advice.

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The parallel we live every day

Think about the last time you sat across from an architect at lunch.

Now, stretch your imagination a little further and picture it was me…

I wasn’t making one decision based on our conversation. I was juggling dozens of interlocking decisions, all with trade-offs:

• The facade system might look sexy, but it might be a maintenance nightmare for my Midwest client in 15 years.
• The sustainable material might fit nicely with my client’s values. But it’s a budget-crusher.
• That gorgeous detail is gonna’ ask the contractor to do something they’ve never done before… and I know how that conversation’s going to go.

Every specification is a quality-of-life decision. For the project, sure. But also for my client, the building users, and my own firm.

• “Will this choice create change orders during construction?”
• “Will it protect me from liability or expose me?”
• “Will the maintenance staff curse me in 5 years?”
• “Will it photograph well enough to win awards that bring in future work?”

And these aren’t theoretical questions an architect might ask. I’ve thought all of these as recently as last month.

And what you might not realize is…

Architects know you probably won’t bring up the downsides. We’ve learned that product reps show up armed with benefits, test reports, and success stories. But rarely with honest conversations about trade-offs.

So we’re guarded. Polite but skeptical. Waiting for the pitch.

Which means you’ve already lost the opportunity to be something other than a vendor.

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Asking the right question…

What if you approached the conversation the way that doctor did with me?

Instead of saying, “Here’s why our product is the best solution… blah, blah, blah…”

What if you tried, “Help me understand how this decision affects your quality of life on this project.”

OK… Obviously, you wouldn’t use those exact words. That would sound pretty lame and scripted.

But the principle still applies.

Instead of: “Our curtainwall system has the highest thermal performance in its class.”

You could ask: “When you’re weighing thermal performance against other priorities on this project… You know, things like installation complexity, lead time, budget… What’s driving your thinking?”

See the difference?

The first statement positions you as someone with an answer. The second one positions you as someone interested in the actual problem.

The first invites defensiveness or polite dismissal. The second invites thinking out loud.

And when we start thinking out loud with you… Hoo boy, look out! When we explain our reasoning, concerns, and the pressures we’re under, we’re being more transparent. I’m letting you into my decision-making process.

That’s the beginning of trust.

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Questions that build relationships

Here’s what this might look like for you.

On a healthcare project: “You mentioned infection control is critical here. What happens downstream if the specified material requires harsh cleaning protocols? Does that create issues with maintenance staffing or protocols you’re trying to avoid?”

Now you’re helping me think through second-order consequences I might not have fully mapped out yet.

[I actually had this come up on a research facility project. The client’s Clidox cleaning solution would eat through standard 304 stainless steel. So we had to specify Type 316L stainless steel.]

On a sustainability-focused project: “I know the owner wants aggressive carbon reduction. When you’re balancing embodied carbon against durability and maintenance cycles, how are you and the owner thinking about that trade-off long-term?”

You’re acknowledging the tension I’m already feeling. And then giving me space to articulate it. Because sometimes just saying the hard part out loud helps clarify thinking.

After installation issues on a previous project: “Last time we worked together, the installation sequence created some coordination challenges. If we’re specifying this again, what would need to be different to avoid putting you in that position?”

You’re showing you remember. You care about my experience, not just the sale.

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Now… Do you notice what all these questions have in common?

They assume I’m dealing with competing priorities.

They invite conversation about consequences, not just features. They make it safe to talk about concerns. And here’s a biggie… these questions are building trust, even when the honest answer could be “your product doesn’t fit this situation.”

If you help us think clearly about trade-offs, you earn a different kind of credibility. You become the person we call when we’re genuinely stuck. The one we trust with early-stage questions. The one who gets specified when your product is the right fit…

Because we know you won’t bullshit us when it’s not.

The long game

My doctor could have just written the prescription, told me what I should do, and went on to the next patient.

Instead, she invested 5 extra minutes helping me understand the trade-offs. We talked through options. She acknowledged the downsides of each approach… Yes, even the one she was recommending. She helped me make a decision I understood and could live with.

I left that appointment trusting her more. [Even though I didn’t take the medication she initially suggested.]

This is the shift waiting for you in every conversation with an architect.

Stop trying to have the best answer, and start helping us think through the best question.

Help your ideal architects experience you as someone who understands trade-offs. As someone who asks about quality-of-life impacts on our projects, our firms, our reputations.

We’ll start seeing you as one of the few reps who actually get it.

And that distinction is worth infinitely more than winning any single specification.

What trade-off conversation are you avoiding with an architect because you’re afraid the honest answer won’t favor your product? That might be exactly the conversation that builds the relationship.

And to help you out, here’s a link to a cheatsheet to help you develop your own Quality of Life Question Framework. If you like it and use it, let me know how it works out for you!

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That's it for this week!

Cheers to building more than just buildings, and see you next week,

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Neil "Quality-of-Life" Sutton
​Architect | Speaker | The Product Rep Coach

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P.S. Do you really want inside an architect's head?

When you’re ready, there are 3 ways you can start working with me:

• Product reps: If you want to be better at connecting with architects, hit reply, and let's chat.
• Business owners or Team Leaders: You can book an Architect Connections Training for your team. Hit reply, and I'll send you the details.
• Speaking: If you’d like me to present at an upcoming group meeting, reach out, and let’s talk!

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